alive.

I am alive. I think. ha.

When I wrote my last post, I was a college student enjoying the summer, and thinking about my return to Geneva in just a few short weeks.

Now, currently writing this post, I am a stressed out college student, attending Macomb Community College just for this semester, getting excited about starting my Liberty University Program in the winter, and am a financial aid representative at Walsh College. Crazy. Life moves so fast. I was devastated when I could not return to Geneva, but that was so long ago that I do not see the point in actually discussing it now, other than I believe that God has a plan for everything and I am just enjoying the ride. As difficult as it may be.

 

Anyway. This post was just a chance for me to say hello, to assure you that I am, in fact, still breathing, and I plan on updating more. If I can find the chance.

 

music meme.

Kim tagged me in this and I think I failed to see it until now, haha. So here goes.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool!

Opening Credits: Someday – Dave Barnes

Waking Up: Grace That Is Greater – Building429

First Day At School: Fair Fight – The Fray

Falling In Love: Just A Dream – Carrie Underwood

Fight Song: God of this City – Chris Tomlin

Breaking Up: Waging War – Shane and Shane (ha. nice.)

Prom: Take Me to the Cross Again – Dave Lubben

Life: All Because of Jesus – Casting Crowns

Mental Breakdown: Thinking of You – Katy Perry

Driving: Earthquake – Family Force 5 (LOL. Great driving song.)

Flashback: Unhappy – Thriving Ivory (great song for this…)

Getting Back Together: Pump It – Black Eyed Peas

Wedding: Long Hallway with a Broken Light – Thriving Ivory (lol!)

Birth of Child: Seeds – Brooke Fraser (perfect song for this)

Final Battle: Ready – Third Day

Death Scene: Wheel in the Sky – Journey

Funeral Song: In Your Presence – Jeremy Camp. Very fitting.

Remembrance Song: Dare You to Move – Switchfoot

End Credits: Frontline -Pillar (ha. way to go out with a bang.)

I tag Kent, Todd, and anyone who wants to do this.

 

blurbs.

here are some short blurbs on what I’ve been thinking… and learning.

I think that I have realized that the career I want… doesn’t actually exist. Maybe. I’ll have to search. I just don’t know what to call it. I want to help people. I want to be there for teens/young adults who just need someone to befriend them, listen to them, and genuinely care for them. A young girl who is pregnant and needs someone. Someone who is having issues with their parents. Someone who ran away from home.

I know that I will never be a great singer, and will never perform again in front of a crowd. But I still love singing at the top of my lungs when alone in my car fully believing that I am as good as the original singer.

I cannot wait to be a mom. I mean, I can wait til I am married. I am just really excited to love my children. When they come into existence.

I am fully okay with waiting for Mr. Right. And I am fully okay with being picky. I will not settle for less than what I know I need. Mainly, a guy who loves God more than he loves me. And he must fully believe that a relationship requires work, and there is no such thing as the fairy tale romance.

I dislike Church politics. Period.

I love God. A whole lot. I cannot wait for the rest of my life to happen… because this journey is amazing.

That’s about it. For now.

Goodnight.

 

praise habit.

I am re-reading Praise Habit by David Crowder because the last time I picked it up, I was a senior in highschool and sitting at my desk at Walsh College. I am only 23 pages in so far, but something David said has struck me, because I spend a lot of time thinking about it. He says, “My point is we are all fragile. Somewhere along the way we abandoned abandon. Or perhaps we gained things that need to be discarded. We have covered ourselves. Someone pointed out that we were naked, and the clothing we have woven is bulky and pretnetious. It hinders our freedom of movement. Expression with childlike spontaneity has become difficult. It bares too much of us. Think back. Try hard to recall what praise in its undiluted purity felt like. When you could dance with your arms fully extended rather than elbows bent, folded closely to your person in such a guarded fashion…”

I’ve said this before, but I enjoy taking drives. Because there, I am fully able to sing as loud as I can and praise God in a way that I feel uncapable in a public place. Even when at home, in my room, with my door closed, I still am always conciously watching the door, thinking someone is going to come in and think that I look like a fool. …but why does worship have to be hidden? Since when are there rules on what worship looks or sounds like? David later goes on to say, “What if we were so moved by who God is, what He’s done, what He will do, that praise, adoration, worship, whatever, continuously careened in our heads and pounded in our souls? …This is what we will do for eternity. What makes us think our time on earth should be any different? What keeps us from being so?”

I have no answers to this… it is just something I have been thinking, and will continue thinking about. It fascinates me how structured Church is, not necessarily in a good way. I think this is what I get held up on a lot… I just want to love God and love others. I just don’t understand where there are so many rules and restrictions sometimes.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

 

5.

5 years ago on this date I decided to give my life to Christ.

Still loving every minute…

 

relentless.

I am surprised at how relentless God is. …It surprises me that I am surprised by that. I mean… Well heck. I’m not even sure what I mean. My life has been crazy, to say the least, lately. My dad was in the hospital, my mom was in the hospital, my dad is having surgery next week. I’m finishing up my sophomore year at Geneva.

Wait…

What?!

Yeah. Two years. Just about done. How crazy is that? I cannot even begin to think about how I could sum up this experience so far. Other than the fact that now that I am staring finals in the face… I’m really glad to be here. I have learned so much, and I can say that most of it is changing my life. I have hated going through this semester. You try studying John Calvin’s Institues of the Christian Relgion while also studying philosophy and worldview in Humanities303 while also practicing ministry for min practicum, and doing two different bible studies for Methods of Teaching the Bible. Going through it sucked. What I’ve come out with is amazing. I have a deep appreciation for theology. I am passionate about humans and accepting different ways that people view the world. I love being a Resident Assistant. Leading bible studies is not my forte… but I have loved learning about different ways to reach people.

I have had so many struggles with whether I should stay at Geneva or transfer to somewhere closer to home. And now that I am halfway done with my time at Geneva, and I firmly say that I would trade this time for anything. I wouldn’t trade the time, the people, the homework, the nights I didn’t get to sleep, the finals, being homesick, nothing. I wouldn’t trade a thing. I thank God for putting me through it. He hasn’t left me. It’s made me stronger.

God is relentless in pursuing me. When I’ve been searching all this time to be pursued, I’ve missed the fact that I already am. Even when I completely neglect Him to pursue others… He has not stopped. He’s relentless. And I love that…

 

camp.

I’ve been listening to the latest Jeremy Camp cd a TON lately. Ha… I know. You’re laughing at me. Yes, I am still a fanatic. He’s a great guy. Anyway, I wanted to share some lyrics with you.

So In Love – Jeremy Camp

So many times I’ve fallen
So many ways I’ve failed you
So many times I’ve stepped out on my own

I know I’m undeserving
But I feel You are preserving
The only good that I have shown

The only word that I can bring
Are these very words I sing
To sing to You now

Cause I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You

Nothing can separate me
From the grace that You gave free
I know You’ll never let me go
Even though You know my frailties
Every single thing about me
You show the greatest love that’s known

The only word that I can bring
Are these very words I sing
I sing to You now

I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You

I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You now

Time and time again You show
The depth and love that You bestow
I never fully understand
It’s too great for me to know
But I always try to bring
I try to bring You everything

I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for you now

I think this depicts my relationship with God pretty well as of late… I’m still learning to be completely content with just simply walking by faith, but I’m captured. …He’s so, so, so good to me.

(and ps. I went to Caribou Coffee… all the way down in Pittsburgh. To get my favorite coffee. Ground especially for my french press. Yes, I am excited to get up tomorrow and have a cup. )

 

gun smoke.

I am still pumped after going to the shooting range with first floor in my building. What an awesome experience! Not only can I now say that I’ve shot a gun, but dang, I’m pretty proud of how well I did for my first try!

 

french press.

My apartment is currently silent. Both of my roommates are gone for the time being and nothing is going on. Other than the sound of me typing. I even have no music playing, which is odd for me. I’m just sitting here, soaking in the silence while enjoying a nice mug of freshly brewed coffee. That I made in my french press. I had forgotten how good coffee is that way…

As I look back on the past month or so of what has gone on in my life, I feel like God has had me in a french press. School has been overwhelming, my family issues back home have been overwhelming, and dealing with all of it just about pushed me over the edge. My dad was in the hospital, my mom was looking for a third job, my sister kept coming in second place in her job searches, etc. But thankfully everything is coming to a close. My dad is out of the hospital and doing better, both of my mom’s current jobs have given her opportunities to get more hours in, and my sister finally got a job promotion that leaves her in such a better predicament than before. It’s as though the four mintues of the coffee steeping in the hot water is over, the pressure was on, but now all that is pouring out is ridiculously amazing coffee (now… if you’re reading this and don’t like coffee… well… it’s just good stuff. )

I’m thankful that God pushes me. I hate going through it, but love the end result. I just have to keep reminding myself, the hard part is only four minutes long…

 

Unwavering

So, I went on a music downloading binge today. I’m known to do that… I just really enjoy music and having new things to listen to. I had heard this one song before from a friend and I really liked it then, so I finally downloaded it today and have been listening to it on repeat for a long while now. I’ve been in a weird mood lately… and this has just calmed my busy mind while I’ve been listening to it. So I thought I’d share.

Blessed are the poor
The kingdom is theirs
Alive in the promise
To be dead to the world
Blessed are the meek
In honor of your Father
The Word at your right hand
The Spirit of truth

Unwavering is your voice
Unwavering is your hand
Unwavering is the heart that bled for the sins of men
Unwavering is your will
Unwavering is your plan
The fount of salvation on which we will stand

Blessed are the righteous
On bended knee
Found in this freedom
Committed to you
Blessed are those who see
The heights of glory
Found in the valley
And suffering for you

Unwavering is your voice
Unwavering is your hand
Unwavering is the heart that bled for the sins of men
Unwavering is your will
Unwavering is your plan
The fount of salvation on which we will stand

Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet

Unwavering is your voice
Unwavering is your hand
Unwavering is the heart that bled for the sins of men
Unwavering is your will
Unwavering is your plan
The font of salvation on which we will stand

The font of salvation on which we will stand

Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet
Send us out to be your hands and feet

God I you know my heart, and what I’ve been dealing with lately. Thank you for your unwavering plan. Send me out to be your hands and feet.